


Elkins, West Virginia

by lavvyan



Category: Boa vs. Python (2004), Thoughtcrimes
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-02
Updated: 2010-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavvyan/pseuds/lavvyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Brendan doesn't care if the Potomac Highlands offer a lot of nature, or if the Hungary Farm Winery ("Best melomel in the world!") makes an interesting place for a visit. He misses Freya. He misses New York. The snakes at the Reserve lost their novelty value some time around day three, and the guy he's supposed to keep an eye on is an ass.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Elkins, West Virginia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Villainny](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Villainny).



For Brendan, born in L.A., raised in Reno and a New York citizen for the last eight years, Elkins, in the very west of West Virginia, is just about the most boring place on Earth. It has a population of barely 7,000, it's ridiculously tiny, and the women keep throwing him speculative glances the likes of which he hardly ever encountered in the big city. And really, if a town's greatest accomplishment is being the self-proclaimed gateway to the Monongahela National Forest ("Far removed from the hustle and bustle of modern urban society!"), there's probably nothing more you need to know about it. They have a _Heritage Center._ Everyone seems to know who he is and what he does, and people keep hollering, "Good morning!" or, "Nice weather, isn't it?" or, "See you at the next Ramp Cookoff, eh?"

It makes trying to stay undercover a bit redundant. Even if no one knows his actual job and everybody thinks he's Dr. Emmett's latest research assistant.

Still, his job demands he stay in Elkins, and no one cares if he's bored clear out of his mind. In retaliation, Brendan doesn't care if the Potomac Highlands offer a lot of nature, or if the Hungary Farm Winery ("Best melomel in the world!") makes an interesting place for a visit. He misses Freya. He misses New York. The snakes at the Reserve lost their novelty value some time around day three, and the guy he's supposed to keep an eye on is an ass.

Brendan can't figure out what Emmett's problem is, and it makes him miss Freya even more, because she could have told him in ten seconds flat. Emmett is a herpetologist at the Longreen Snake Reserve, which lies about three miles outside the town, up Laurel Mountain Road, and is so quiet it sets Brendan's teeth on edge. Emmett leads a boring life full of boring research, and if there was ever anyone who didn't need a security executive – read, bodyguard – it's this guy.

Plus, Emmett can't stand Brendan. At all. It may have something to do with some FBI guys nearly killing his pet snake a few years back, or it could be that he just doesn't like Brendan's nose. In any case, he's the guy who signs Brendan's pay checks, so Brendan can't even tell him he's an asshole.

He never would have thought he might miss Harper. Yet here he is.

It sucks.

~~~

Brendan screwed up. He killed the wrong guy for the wrong reasons – like saving Freya could ever be wrong – and the NSA threw him out on his ass. Welles must have creamed himself.

And yeah, Brendan's probably lucky he found a job at all, what with his less than stellar credentials, but he still doesn't get why Emmett hired a guy he can't stand. He doesn't get it at all.

~~~

Brendan's favourite place is a little hole-in-the-wall shop in the east corner of Seneca Mall. The Comic Corner doesn't hold a candle to the stores in New York, but it's got the newest issues of Batman and Captain America and these days, that's really all he's asking for. They got a new shipment of Star Wars action figures, too, and on a whim Brendan buys Lando Calrissian.

He props him up next to the main monitor showing Betty's habitat, certain that Emmett won't get the message – so you're smart, but also kind of a jerk – but intent on delivering it anyway. When Emmett finds it, he pokes at the figure with a puzzled expression, one corner of his mouth tilted down. His gaze focuses on Brendan, who has his own gaze focussed on his iPhone.

It means he doesn't quite see Emmett's shrug. The next time he looks, Lando is gone.

~~~

The next day, a three-inch Darth Maul is standing on the desk he's claimed for his laptop, at the back of the main lab right next to the three water snakes. The action figure is holding a ridiculously large double-bladed lightsaber and topples over while Brendan's still blinking at it.

He has no idea if this is a nod to his skills at weapons handling, or if Emmett thinks his face is ugly. He probably doesn't want to know.

Brendan leans the figure against his laptop and goes to work. When Emmett comes in, neither of them mentions it.

~~~

Around the first weekend in October, Emmett gives Brendan a few days off. Brendan thinks that getting days off doesn't quite fit into the job description of a bodyguard, but then it's not like he really gives a shit. It's just that, if Emmett doesn't give him something to do, well… then he doesn't have anything to _do._

On his last day off, Brendan was so bored he went to see the bridge over Tygart river ("The oldest and longest bridge in the state!"), mourned the fact that the Civil War re-enactment had been in June, and was pleased to discover the small museum right next to the bridge, which at least had mummies.

It was totally worth the entrance fee of exactly zero dollars.

This time, at least, there's the Mountain State Forest Festival to spend his time on ("Register for the Champion Lumberjack Competition!"), and it's every bit as backwards as the pompous title makes it sound. Okay, there's a Yogi Bear running around that's kind of neat, but other than that it's incredibly stupid parades, log inspections – seriously, _log inspections_ – and, wow, the West Virginia Christmas Tree Growers Association Exhibit.

The carnival downtown is pretty fun, though. Brendan hasn't taken the time to just stroll along between concession stands since… 1993, when his girlfriend made him test his marksmanship for a bunch of red plastic roses right before breaking up with him next to the pretzel stand. Good times. But that memory has been neatly labelled and stacked away, and loathe as he is to admit it, the hot dogs are better than what he's used to from home.

He's avoiding the fun rides for the kids – there's a limit to the amount of screaming he can stand in one day – when he spots Emmett, gallantly bending down to pick up some woman's dropped purse, incidentally giving Brendan a great view of his ass.

It's… a very fine ass. Round and full and… yeah. Brendan swallows.

Yeah, okay. Maybe the festival has some entertainment value after all.

~~~

Freya drops by for a visit two weeks later. She hasn't brought her new partner, thank god, and she gives Brendan a tight hug that only makes him realise just how much he misses her.

Then she goes to hug Emmett, and Brendan thinks that, oh, huh. Okay. That explains a few things.

~~~

Emmett takes them out to CJ Maggie's. Freya orders a veggie tortilla, Brendan goes with Stan's Steak and a Seneca Pale Ale ("You can't live in Elkins and not drink Seneca!"), and Emmett has the mahi-mahi, splitting a bottle of Riesling with Freya. Brendan mostly listens as the other two talk: Freya has moved to a new apartment; Emmett thinks he's close to a break-through; Freya says he always thinks he's close to a break-through; Emmett laughs.

Brendan orders another beer.

Eventually, Emmett excuses himself and stands up, walking toward the men's room. Brendan can't help it: he stares at the backside of Emmett's snug cargo pants, flashing to Emmett bending over at the festival, flashing to Emmett bending over for _him._ Freya chokes on her Riesling, and Brendan's cheeks burn as he stares down at his plate, the sad remnants of his steak drenched in red sauce.

His mind circles through his Saturday cartoons' theme songs, but his heart isn't in it.

~~~

Apparently, you can tell by the shape of a snake's pupils if it's venomous or not. Brendan thinks that if you're close enough to look for _that,_ it's kind of too late.

~~~

The next time Brendan's at The Comic Corner, he buys Princess Leia. It's a spur of the moment thing, and he's not sure why he does it. Emmett is as unlikely to get this message – smart, difficult, but also kind of hot – as he was with the other one, if not more so. But Brendan's life is sadly lacking in distractions these days, so he goes and buys it anyway.

He carries the damn thing around in his pocket for almost a week before placing it next to the monitor. And maybe, just maybe, he should see if there are any psychiatrists in this town, because it's obvious that he needs some help.

Or maybe he just needs to get laid.

Emmett picks up the figure and looks at it for a long moment, then he taps a fingernail against Leia's plastic hair. His expression is bemused, but he still doesn't ask any questions.

Brendan isn't sure if he's disappointed or not.

~~~

The next day, Han Solo stands on Brendan's closed laptop, fake blaster pointing down at the Apple logo. Brendan stares at him for a long time before reaching for him.

He… really doesn't get the message here. Is this about him carrying a gun? Does Emmett think he's hot? Was it a random pick to fit with Leia? Or maybe it's an invitation to play the space pirate to Emmett's princess – and the thought of Emmett in a dress makes him snigger – but the point is, Brendan isn't sure. He'd like it to be an invitation, but _he isn't sure._

Still, hidden message or not, it's nice that Emmett's playing along. It feels like there's someone who's willing to really get to know Brendan, and not just as 'the guy from New York who should totally date my daughter'.

This time, when Emmett comes in, they still don't mention the figures. But they share a grin.

~~~

This is the time of the year for Betty to moult, which apparently makes her cranky. Brendan can relate. He's been cranky for months.

The shedding is neat, though. Emmett says that Betty often peels off her whole skin in one piece, like a subway train-sized sock. This time, though, she leaves bits and pieces of dead epidermis strewn about like torn plastic bags, white and dry and kind of like bubble wrap, only with scales instead of bubbles.

Emmett won't allow Brendan into the habitat, but he lets him look at the rags of skin and even keep one of them.

Their fingers brush when he points out the differently shaped scales of Betty's sides and her underbelly. Brendan tries to ignore the tingle.

~~~

Mid-December, it turns out there's a plot on Emmett's life after all. Brendan kills three of them before he goes down. Emmett gets the last one with Brendan's gun.

~~~

So Brendan's kind of bleeding out into the dirty snow on the corner of Davis and 4th, right in front of Papa John's Pizza ("Open Sundays!"). There's a bullet lodged just below his right collar bone, a gaggle of people gathering around them. Brendan doesn't think any of them will be in the mood for tomato sauce after this.

God, it really sucks to be him.

Emmett is crouched above him, his chest naked under his zipped leather jacket because he's pressing his sweater against Brendan's shoulder to staunch the blood flow. His other hand is resting on Brendan's left shoulder, perhaps to give him something to focus on besides the pain, but Brendan's kind of still focussed on the part with the naked chest. It was a nice chest, pink nipples hard from the cold, and if Brendan's the Han to Emmett's Leia, the guy seriously owes him something.

"Han Solo at least, _ow,_" he pants, dizzy and hurting and pissed off and maybe a little reckless because, honestly, it's not like he has anything to lose here, "got some sex out of it."

Emmett just looks down at him for a moment, puzzled, the hand on Brendan's shoulder tightening. Then he smiles, open and carefree and completely inappropriate, and Brendan's heart stutters in his chest.

"Well," Emmett says, "I guess you _have_ earned yourself a bonus."

Brendan feels his eyes go wide as he blinks, stupidly, because there's no way he just heard that right. But then Emmett winks, _winks_ at him, and Brendan grins helplessly because his right side might be hurting like hell, but shit, at least now he's got something to look forward to.

He's still grinning when the ambulance arrives.

~~~

Emmett renews his contract indefinitely.

Brendan's kind of okay with that.


End file.
